Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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