I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
