Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
