bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
