dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
