headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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