I would go down on you faster than GM stock
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
