yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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