Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
