Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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