Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
