ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
