i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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