also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
