can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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