I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
