I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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