i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
