Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
