i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
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Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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