Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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