If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
