I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
