hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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