There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
