Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
