just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
