You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
