Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
