And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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