Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
