My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
