this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
