I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
