your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
