I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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