he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
