things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
