if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
