sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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