You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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