So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
