i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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