Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
