I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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