I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
