It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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