haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
3pm strippers are depressing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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