I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
