What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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