I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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