White coat. Heels.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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