i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
