Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
