I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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