If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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