i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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