Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
