bring money and cleavage
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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