I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
