I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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