you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
